Genesis 2:21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[a] and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[b] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
Men aren't typically known to be talkers. While women take great pleasure in deep, emotional conversations, men prefer to keep their emotions private and their words succinct.
This is especially true when it comes to those six conversations all men dread having with the women they're dating. These six inevitable conversations can take him from terrific to terrified the instant he realizes they've begun
Having the 'ex' talk is no fun for either party in a relationship, but you also can't go on pretending like you are the first significant partner in each others' lives (unless, of course, you are). For men, however, the ex talk is particularly uncomfortable territory because:
He has to hear about how many men have had your heart before he had it.
He's afraid he'll hear how many men you've been with, and that knowing your number will make him like you less.
He's afraid of hearing how he might stack up compared to your past beaus.
He knows you're going to ask about his past relationships--and press for details.
He's afraid you'll be jealous of his former girlfriends and take it out on him.
He's afraid to say anything nice about them without giving you the impression that he's still hung up on one of them.
The ex talk is not fun for men to hear about, and it's an even more treacherous minefield
for him to navigate when it's his turn to give you the deets. Be
prepared for evasive maneuvers when this conversation finally crops up.
He can't help himself.
The "define the relationship" talk is awkward for men because it requires them to divulge two things: how they feel about you (a trump card they prefer to show instead of discuss) and to make the final decision on where the relationship is going. Does he take the leap and officially renounce his freedom, or does he tell you it's all a dead end and head out for greener pastures?
The DTR can make him feel trapped when he hasn't decided where he stands on your non-relationship, guilty about hurting you, scared about being rejected, or can leave him in a panic when he realizes he'd rather not "DTR" at all. Under no circumstances does the "DTR" become a pleasant conversation for him.
Unless he's incredibly well-organized, no man likes to talk about his five-year plan. Why? Because he has no idea what it is. Prodding a man for details about these things feels more like a job interview than a conversation with a long or short term partner:
Where he sees his career going
Where he'd like to live
How he plans to invest his money
At what age he'd like to marry
When he'd like to have children
He may have a general idea, but who can say for certain where they're going to be in five years? It's FIVE years away! You're also putting him on the spot and making him wonder if there are "wrong" answers on your scorecard that will affect how you view him.
Say you feel comfortable with your man and want to discuss the
possibility of moving in together. Your man, on the other hand, might
feel like he's just been dealt one very unfriendly conversation that he's not sure how to navigate.
If he says no because he's just not ready yet, he runs the risk of you thinking he's not as committed as you are. If he says no because he's realized he'll never be ready, he knows you're headed for the breakup conversation, which he doesn't want to have either. Any answer other than "yes" will put doubts in your mind, and while he may actually be ready for this step, the act of talking it out is going to make him squirm in his seat.
Talking about marriage is an nonthreatening conversation when it's
in the theoretical: "I'd like to have a spring wedding when I get
married someday." Make it personal: "I think we should have our wedding in the spring when we're ready for that step," and he's already thinking of ways to change the subject as fast as possible.
Marriage talk means he has to contemplate:
Giving up all other women permanently
Adopting your family as his new in-laws...permanently
Growing old and becoming "lame"
Mortgages, joint bank accounts, life insurance policies, your combined student loan debts
Kids
Even if the thought has crossed his mind, even he's already setting things in motion, having this talk makes it very personal and likely permanent; there's almost no going back once this chat is had.
This is almost self-explanatory. Having the "are we ready for kids" talk means that everything he likes about his life is going to change. Sleeping in on the weekends, running errands or making plans on a whim, guys nights, regular sex, flexible income, and having you all to himself. Can you really blame him if he's not gung-ho about having this talk with you?
He's well aware that he could upset you by saying no, and himself by saying yes. Unfortunately, there's no gray area on this one. You either go to Babyville or you don't--and that's why he hates it.
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